Are you ever prepared to get married??

Saturday, December 06, 2008

Since there is less than a month for the wedding now, I keep getting questions featuring around the subject of shaadi… some of the common ones which amuse me, get me hassled and the real answers of which I can never tell them…


1. Is your shaadi shopping done?
Almost everyone who meets me asks me that for the last few months. I am sure people will conjure up things that I surely need to buy even till the last day. I never knew a day would come when I would be sick of shopping. Well its come and I sure am sick of shopping. I loved shopping – agenda less, impulsive shopping. But shaadi shopping has got to my nerves. Deciding on a guy was hard enough, so deciding on the ring, the clothes, make-up, jewelry for the “forever moment” is probably the most difficult project I have ever done. I do not want to look at another sari or jewelry I will never wear after the wedding!!

2. Are you prepared to get married?
Can anyone really be? Or this there a way to be prepared? I don’t even know in how many ways my life going to change. How can I be prepared for how to deal with it right now? The best possible thing I can maybe do is to hope that I can handle it in the future.

3. So how do you feel leaving home, mom and dad and going to a strange unknown family?
This one is the best… I am delighted you see!!! I am going to strange country where I have no friends and the comfort of running away home whenever loneliness strikes… yeah you could say I am happy…. Duh!! How would I feel??
Not that I believe in the funda of leaving mom and dad… Can you ever leave mom and dad? I left home and by that I mean the physical state of home more than eight years ago so going someplace else is not weird or sad. I guess what’s not so nice is the fact that I will not be in close physical proximity to visit them as often as the luxury of Bangalore-Kerala has provided me. That will take getting used to. Secondly, the family I will try and fit into, is not strange anymore… after almost a year they cannot be strange. I guess it will take adapting from both ends… but am sure we will figure out a way.
What I will miss the most however, is the familiarity of India. I missed India when I was in Sweden for a year. And I know for sure I will miss it now. I will miss the luxury of picking up the phone and talking to my closest pals and make adhoc plans to meet them some place, will miss the place I work at and the people here, its been the only institution which has remained constant in my life for more than 3 years...
Could go on with the list… but am senti all of a sudden, and scared and nervous! I guess its time to wrap this up right now, or else will start as to wondering why on earth am I getting married… A won’t be too pleased by that one :-).

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Resilience – an abused word

Thursday, November 27, 2008

I am sad, disgusted, confused. I get madder as I watch the news. I feel helpless. There are a million questions/thoughts in my head. Who are these guys?? What religion teaches you to kill innocent people?? Are these people even fit to be called human?? I wonder what is it that these animals want?? A part of me says – whatever it is just give it to them… nothing is worth a hundreds of lives and the sense of insecurity that has become a part of our lives…


The other part of me wants to stand up and tell these %^*^^&& to get out of my country and let me live in peace. A part of me looks to my government and implores it to do something about the vulnerable country that we have become. I now hate the words like resilience and phrases like “spirit of India”. I now feel that it is an excuse to not do anything about these attacks. I now do not want the country and me to forget about this in a few days and get on with life. I definitely do not want life to go back to “normal”. I want to be like the Americans who still haven’t forgotten the 9/11 attacks and bombed a couple of countries in their supposed quest for the culprits. I don’t want India to go that far. But I also do not want my country and the politicians to become the “peace loving” country that we love to be. I want the politicians to remember that the number of people who died are not just a statistical number but they meant the world to someone. I want the same politicians to remember that tomorrow it could be them. I do not want to listen to things like intelligence failure. I do not want the lives of the people who died fighting these terrorists go in vain. I want the law makers of this country to now to something to take the bulls by the horns. I want to now become like an Israel or maybe even like the Arab world. I almost believe that an eye for an eye is the only thing that works. I want these jerks to be scared of even thinking of attacking my country. I do not want India to become like some of the countries I do not want to visit due to fear of safety. I do not want my foreign friends to ask me if it was safe to travel to India. Most of all I want each one of to stand up and say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!

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Dedicated to the necessary evils of my life

Monday, October 13, 2008

You can love them, you can hate them… you can surely never ignore them, especially if you rely on them to get from one place to the other!!... No am not talking about buses, and since I’m not in Bombay, it’s not the local trains, but the famed auto rickshaws of Bangalore… They’ve had such an affect on my moods that this one’s dedicated to them.

I have been tormented, frustrated and sometimes pleasantly surprised by them (the drivers of these autos that is). But no this is not a auto bashing blog, but some of the funny/amusing incidents I’ve had with them. And since I don’t know their names, have taken the liberty of naming them

The Nana Patekar of Taxi 9211: This guy is first on my list. He managed to shock, anger and amuse me all in a time period of 15 mins. Well this guy agreed to come to my place without batting an eyelid and wonders of wonders, did not ask for extra money….well anyways… the journey started… The guy was unusual since he followed a lot of the traffic rules, did not jump lights and change lanes. But what caught my attention was that he kept honking at some pedestrians ignoring the footpath and walking on the road… this when there was enough space for him to pass… when they turned around and glared at him, his reply – “there is a footpath meant for you to walk on, don’t occupy the roads unnecessarily”.. As if that wasn’t enough to shock me, he returned my one rupee change and insisted I keep it since he didn’t take charity!!!

The Senile old man: I usually walk it to work… It’s my way of reducing carbon emission. But there are days when I am either late or plain lazy when I seek out to these ricks. On one such day, I met an old auto driver. He prayed for about a minute before he started the rick. In my mind I thought “what a religious old man.” The guy went of to sleep on a traffic light, with the rick moving backwards and almost hitting the car behind us… and when I woke him up, he tells me that driving ricks is boring!! He then looks everywhere else, but the road while driving… That’s when I knew what he prayed for before driving – my safety!!!

The Himmesh Reshamiya fan: There are a lot of autos in India with music systems. But this one had blue disco lights in the rick. And yes much to my irritation and the delight of my roomie the driver played Himmesh Reshamiya songs… The volume was loud, and his singing even louder…. It was good fun to see someone enjoying himself without any care for the world or his customer’s ear drums! And yes my roomie tipped him for the entertainment he provided her :-)

There are a lot more funny incidents that have happened with these guys, but these three were top of mind… and am sure my tryst with these people will not end here… will keep adding as I keep experiencing

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To my friends….with love

Thursday, July 10, 2008

I watched Jaane tu ya jaane nah last weekend… my verdict – an out and out masala movie with a story which is age old. Having said that, it worked for me as the treatment was fresh and the actors really nice….well this blog is not a review of the movie, but what it made me think about – Friends….

All my life, I always thought that I connected better with guys. I knew what they talked about and I believed that I liked their discussions (barring the ones on girls) on cars and gadgets as compared to make-up and lipsticks and yes character assassination of girls prettier than me!! It irritated me to no end when my girl friends never believed that my really good guy friends were actually just friends and nothing more…However when I thought about it after watching the movie, I realized that I have out grown most of my guy friends who were really good friends at a particular stage of life, and all most all my lasting friendships have been with girls… Most of my closest friends are all girls. They relate to what I am going through much better and I do not hesitate talking to them about my deepest fears…. With guys, I discuss tennis, cricket politics or maybe my travel adventures… Not that they are not dear to me just a bit superficial according…So here’s to my closest girl friend’s… I cannot imagine my life without everything that you all bring to it – the shopping, the never ending emails/conversations on life’s ups and downs and even the non-stop gossiping….

Then comes the question that can a girl and a guy be just good friends and nothing more… Well according to most of my friends they cannot. According to them, all good friends of the opposite sexes at one point of time or the other have been attracted to each other, or its been one sided for sure. I always believed and still do that this is definitely not true.. I have debated this for hours with a very good friend of mine who also happens to be a guy. His take – I might not be attracted to someone, but how can I be sure of what’s going on with the other person. Reflecting on my relationship with most of my guy friends, I think he has a point; there has always been an attraction from either side. It’s another matter that for me what starts as a crush, graduates to friendship and then remains strictly that. One of my friends’ once told me that that my definition of friendship was very elastic. That is probably why I was shocked/surprised if a good guy friend of mine ever expressed feelings beyond friendship. For me a friend was a friend, it was immaterial whether he was a guy or a girl…

Is it possible that I have to change my opinion after 27 years of my existence?? Were my friends right about what they said??? Is it possible that the cheesy Hindi movie dialogue “ek ladka aur ek ladki kabhi dost nahi ho sakte” or what they portray in every single Hindi movie on a girl guy friendship actually true??? Can a girl and a guy actually not be just good friends?? ……

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Am Back

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

I am back to writing on popular demand. Ok I construe demands by a few friends as popular, but anyways…

I’m getting married!! The feeling has not yet sunk in and I sometimes need to remind myself that it’s forever and now there is no turning back (at least I hope so). Knowing me, I am sure that I’ll be wondering even when the priest asks me if I want to get married, if this is the right thing to do…I really pity Ashwin on that one!!...

Gauging all the excitement I could happily outsource all of those preparations to family and friends. However there was something I had to do on my own – attend the marriage counseling course. This post is for all those friends of mine, who have been so curious about what happens in these courses...
For the uninitiated, you need to go through a marriage counseling course before getting married in a Catholic Church. I was quite skeptical on what a priest would tell me on marriage when he had no experiential learning on the subject itself. Anyways, since it had to be done, it had to be done. There I was last weekend sitting in the class and hoping that this course would be worth my salsa class when this lady walks in and starts asking us questions like why we want to get married and why to that particular person. I was blank for a moment before I really started to think… Well that was the beginning…. During the course of the weekend we had some interesting sessions on psychometric tests and how they could be used for good marriages.. I for one was quite amused by this new purpose of a psychometric test. Well there was a lot more on understanding basic differences between men and women and how both must learn to understand and adjust…etc etc…

My take and learning from the weekend – the church is after all not all that age old. Some of the stuff that the counselors talked off impressed me beyond limits. They talked of why individual spaces were important and getting married need not necessarily mean changing a 100 % (I was glad I was proved right yet again!) and how it was important not to let any other relationship get in the way of your relationship with your husband/wife. On the hindsight I feel that though the 2.5 days could have been covered in a 1.5 day session, it was quite useful. If nothing else to at least open up a platform for discussion on difficult topics like when to have children, career choices, finances etc. All in all a weekend well spent..

I hope to remember all of it until I am married, coz thanks to dad who loves to plan everything way ahead of time and hence I have attended this course some 6 months before getting married!!

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Leaving on a jet plane

Friday, February 01, 2008

I finally got down to packing yesterday and that’s when it started sinking in; I was leaving Sweden for good. I am catching my flight tonight and all sorts of mixed feelings are running through my mind at this moment. I am happy that am finally heading back home to India, but am sad too.

While saying my goodbyes to everyone here, I realized that I will miss this country and these people a lot more than I had thought. I have so many memories of this last one year and each one so different from the other that all of them together will make this year unforgettable. A friend of mine told me once that it was very important to learn to live alone and be happy about it. After being here for a year, I have learnt to truly live alone and enjoy my own company. I know now that if I talk to, or spend time with someone then it’s not because I have to, but because I want to. I rediscovered my writing here not to mention taking photography up seriously – happens when you have a lot of time during the weekend and few people to interact with. Strange as it may sound, I have lived for a year in a hotel and its home to me and the people working there my family. To my pleasant surprise I learnt that a country could survive on trust, and thank God for that or else would be stuck a million times without any form of transportation!! I learnt the meanings of words like “hit the wall” “unmarried wife/husband” and “plastic kids” or “plastic parents” and am no longer surprised by a completely new concept of family. I learnt that the meaning of the word "OK" could range from "alright", to "I understand" to "I don't think so"!!I learnt a whole new way of working – from being highly objective to having being forced to develop relationships to get work done. And speaking of relationships – I learnt that you don’t necessarily need to show how much you care when you really do.I discovered that it is possible for more than 50 people to be sitting somewhere and still there being pin drop silence!! I saw some of the most beautiful places here, and was awed by Mother Nature and all that she had to offer. I also realized how much I loved India and everything Indian – the food specially!!

I could go on and on, but in short I think Sweden and the last year opened my mind up to various things and whether it be good or bad – will not forget the last year.

PS: Having written all of the above, I am still looking forward to heading back to India – Home is home and no other place could be better

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About “The” trip - Finally!!!

Sunday, January 27, 2008

It’s been a while that I am back from my whirlwind trip so have finally decided to stop being lazy and write about it.
My trip started with a bit of adventure. After packing, repacking and checking my checklist of things to carry umpteen times, I still managed to forget my cell phone at the hotel and remembered when I reached the airport. I couldn’t take a chance traveling without my second love hence I asked people at the hotel to send my cell phone by taxi to the airport and requested the airport authorities to wait for my cell phone to reach. I got the plane to wait for me, boarded the plane, and got someone at the airport manager to come and give me the cell phone in the plane. I thanked my stars that it was Skelleftea since I don’t think I could have pulled it of in any other city. Anyways here a quick snapshot of the trip.

Rome : I fell in love with the city!! The feet are killed by the walks, thanks to the cobble stoned roads, but walking is the best way to absorb all that Rome has to offer. Walking through the streets of Rome to me was like walking in a place 200 years old. Each building seems to talk to you and tell you stories of its own. It almost makes you want to go back in time and see how Rome was in its prime. You can spend weeks in Rome, but since we had just 2 days, we decided to see the most important monuments and started our sight seeing trip by visiting the Colosseum and the Roman Forum.
The Colosseum is an imposing structure, especially when you try and go back to when the gladiators would fight there. The Roman Forum which is right next to the Colosseum is basically the ruins of the old Rome. It’s magnificent to walk through all of it and just soak in the surroundings. The Pantheon is a beautiful monument too. It has been converted to a church now and I am sure mass there would be beautiful. Both these structures need to be visited during the day since they do not have any artificial lighting. My pick of Rome would be the Vatican Museum and St. Peters Cathedral. Apart from the religious importance it holds for me, the beauty of the place would mesmerize just about anyone. Especially the paintings at the Vatican Museum and the Sistine Chapel would take anyone’s breathe away. The colours, detailing and the magnitude of the paintings on the walls and the ceiling are astounding when you think of the times they were painted in. It shows the passion and dedication that the artists had. It also shows the interest that the emperors of those times had in art, not to mention the money to fund it. The first thing that goes through your mind, when you see St. Peters is- is that a church?? The biggest church in the world is really big!! I attended the midnight mass on Christmas Eve and that’s an experience I will not forget – the church is beautiful under lights and it has a feel of a carnival before the Mass starts, not that I would want to repeat it, considering the crowd and the cold!!!
One of my “Rome moments” was sitting on the Spanish steps and listening to two Italians sing along with their guitars. I also realized that some of the more popular Hindi songs were lifted from Italian music!! Another one of my “Rome Moments” was sitting by the Trevi and seeing various people pose for pictures. I think we spent more than an hour there and had a good laugh
Rome reminds me of India in so many ways, the crazy traffic, small cute cars, the abundant use of two wheelers and the incessant loud chatter, maybe that’s why it worked its magic on me and it is one place I would want to go back again. I hope the coin that I threw in the Trevi works its magic….

Florence/Pisa: Florence is quite the opposite of Rome. It’s quaint, small and less crowded and very charming. To me however it’s a town which had some of the cutest streets and restaurants. We saw the Dome, which is the third largest church in the world. Again the architecture here was very different from the churches I had seen in Rome. We walked around the town savoring every bit of the place and looking through the windows of the all clothes stores (What can you expect of two girls). One observation – the Italians sure so have a sense of fashion!!
Florence can be combined with a visit to the leaning tower of Pisa since it is only an hour by train and definitely a must visit if you are in Italy. The leaning tower of Pisa is about a 20 minute walk from the station right through the town center and it truly is a wonder. You almost feel like it would fall on you any minute (it’s a wonder it hasn’t as yet). The work on the tower is worth a look, but what impressed me more was the cathedral next to the tower. It’s a beautiful church with some really delicate work done on the outside. I think in Italy I have completed my lifetime quota of visiting churches and yet each church had a completely different character.

Venice: Though Venice was very different from any other city I had seen, I was a bit disappointed by the city in itself. It highly possible because I had heard/read so much about the place so my expectations were hitting the roof. Having said that let me not take away from the city.
The charm of the city is the small streets where you will invariably get lost – no maps, direction sense would help you there. It is also nice to see how life goes about without cars and through the water. We saw some DHL people deliver couriers by water, also saw the water police, public transportation by water and even the post being delivered by boats!! St. Marco is beautiful and the pigeons there just really greedy for food :-)…We were in Venice right before the mask festival, so we got a chance to see the various colorful masks on display through the streets. I was amazed by the intricate work done on the masks; some of them even had Swarovski crystals on them. It made the whole place a lot more colorful. We also went to one of the islands close by, and thankfully enough it wasn’t as crowded.
My amusing story however is about a Indian- Canadian couple we met during dinner. They talked about bollywood, asked us what our opinion of the Abhi-Ash wedding was, and whether Shahrukh had back cancer etc etc etc. I think they were a wee bit disappointed that we weren’t all that updated…
Tips for Italy:
# Women please wear flats, and the most comfortable pair of shoes you can find. The cobblestones will really kill your feet.
# Take the tour to the Vatican Museum. It’s a little expensive, but worth it since the lines to enter are killing and you would want to know what to see and what not to.
# Be ready to spend much more in Venice. It is one of the most expensive cities in Italy and hence the prices are double as compared to the rest of the cities.
# Walk as much as possible, that’s how you would get to see the place much better
# Try talking in Bengali with the souvenir shop owners on the streets. Most of them are Bangladeshi and will give you a discount if you manage a bit of Bengali.
# Do not miss the yummy Italian food, whether it is the breakfast which consists of Chocolate croissant and coffee, or the yummy pastas and the pizzas along with some amazing Tiramisu not to mention the house wine. I think I need to stop now or else my mouth is going to start watering!!!

Amsterdam: The city is an eye-opener!! Drugs and sex is so out in the open that you wonder if it is such a big deal. The city sells on both of them, since most tourists go to Amsterdam to see the coffee shop and the red light area. Its quite a surprise to find the Dutch so open about subjects which are a taboo in any other country specially around Europe. I came back from my trip and discussed it with my Swede friends and they were shocked to say the least. I also had a rather interesting conversation with my Dutch colleague who told me why it’s all that open. According to him Dutch follow the law to the T. And if you ban narcotics, then it wouldn’t even be possible to use it in the hospital, hence its regulated. His explanation on prostitution as a business was that it happens everywhere, if it’s out in the open and made legal, at least these women have decent education, social security cover and a decent living – he does have a point there, doesn’t he? But apart from all the usual stuff, anyone visiting Amsterdam should definitely visit the Van Gogh museum. The museum has a collection from Van Gogh’s work from different stages of his life. His work leaves you confused in the end, since it varies so much from the beginning stages of his career to the end – its definitely a must see.

Berlin: We drove from Amsterdam to Berlin, and driving through Germany without the mention of the famed German roads and no speed limits. Just one word – awesome!!! You know when you get into Germany by the roads and the sudden speeding of the cars. We drove at and average of around 190 km/ph and we still had cars overtaking us at regular intervals. The view outside was beautiful too – from the flat Holland to the small hills in Germany, it was quite the contrast. Berlin in itself was an amalgamation of the old and the new. Its an extremely modern city with huge sky scrappers, but it also has the Brandenburg and a whole lot of history which goes along with it. The Reichstag is also worth a mention. I felt it was a little too beautiful to be a parliament house!! We saw it under lights and I think it just added to the beauty. Though Berlin is supposed to be the party capital of Europe we took a rain check on partying and settled for a good German dinner since all of us were just so exhausted and headed out the next day to London which was a 10 hr road trip.

London: The first two days in London were spent recharging all our exhausted batteries by lazing around and shopping!! And just went the relatives and friends thought that we would never head out to see London, Mona and I started the sight seeing once again. We started with the Buckingham Palace and quite frankly I don’t know what the big deal was about the changing of guards. I felt that the crowd in the Vatican was nothing compared to the one in front of the palace trying to catch a glimpse of the ceremony. From there we walked to the Trafalgar Square and visited the National Gallery. We did the whole touristy walk to the London eye, Big Ben and finally the Tower Bridge. At the risk of repeating myself the walk was really nice, though we had a really long walk trying to find a tube station – as usual we were lost!!! The next day started with a visit to Madam Tussads. We had fun looking at all the statutes and yes getting our pictures clicked there. From there the next trip was to The Lords – the Mecca of cricket lovers. The guide made the tour wonderful and interesting even for people who weren’t all that knowledgeable on cricket. Thanks to the impromptu trip to the Lords, we discovered Abbey Road and the famous crossing on the Beatles cover. I felt a bit silly clicking pictures while crossing that crossing and making the traffic wait – I am sure they are used to it though. I also liked Covent Garden a lot. The environment there was brilliant. The building had an old world feel to it. It had magicians, street musicians and whole lot of open restaurants – it was magic.

After a whole lot of traveling in the two weeks, I realized that I was looking forward to getting back to Skelleftea to my hotel and I knew that it in my heart I felt that it was home now. I also realized that though they don’t always show it, the Swedes are one of the friendliest and the most helpful people in Europe – well what to do, I have to be loyal to people who welcomed me and made me feel comfortable in an alien country.

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About the blog

I don’t promise to make it one of the most intellectual or even the most interesting of the blogs. This is my space and hence would contain anything that holds my attention – a movie, a road trip, an experience, or sometimes even my never ending list of complaints - Basically ramblings from my wandering mind.
Read if you have the time and the inclination, nothing earth shattering will happen if you don’t.
If you do decide to read it, comments most welcome!

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