Its that time again…

…when I need to pack up from the place I am comfortable with and know too well and move to a completely new place that I know nothing of. I should be a pro at it by now. I have never lived in any place beyond 3 years, and the record still stands

My biggest fear is being stuck in a place too long. I do not understand phrases like “settle down” or “permanently move” someplace. Even now when I am asked if I am moving for good, my answer is 3-4 years and not more. No matter how good any city is, beyond a point I want a change. I love change... I thrive on change. For me the more different the place is and newer the people, the better it is. It’s the sense of adventure in a new place that keeps me going.

I have always believed that distances do not spoil friendships… almost all of my close friends do not live in the same city as me, and yet I remain the closest with them. I haven’t seen one of my best-friends in years and we still seem to have loads to talk about every time we talk…So change of place never bothered me…

Why is it then, that it’s hitting me much more now? Why is there this sad, unexplainable feeling I am going through right now? A feeling that things will change and I will never be the same again… or that all the relationships I share with my friends will change forever… And while I say my good byes to friends, colleagues, acquaintances in this last week here, I feel sad, scared and I wonder whether all will be same again…Whether I will meet these people again… Whether we will still share the connection we share right now… I wonder how will I be able to pack so many memories – the good and the bad s in one tiny suitcase and take it with me to an unknown land….

This is not the me I know… I am known to be stone hearted… I never feel bad, I never cry… and I for sure never wonder about change…Don’t know if it’s a late reaction to shaadi… or my true Taurean self has finally emerged and the thought of change is scaring me…whatever it is… just want my friends to know that this one post is dedicated to you all… I am bad at expressing emotions and hence this post …Thanks a ton for being there through thick and thin and never ever giving up on me….I love you guys and will miss you lots and I hope once again that things don’t change……

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To my friends….with love

I watched Jaane tu ya jaane nah last weekend… my verdict – an out and out masala movie with a story which is age old. Having said that, it worked for me as the treatment was fresh and the actors really nice….well this blog is not a review of the movie, but what it made me think about – Friends….

All my life, I always thought that I connected better with guys. I knew what they talked about and I believed that I liked their discussions (barring the ones on girls) on cars and gadgets as compared to make-up and lipsticks and yes character assassination of girls prettier than me!! It irritated me to no end when my girl friends never believed that my really good guy friends were actually just friends and nothing more…However when I thought about it after watching the movie, I realized that I have out grown most of my guy friends who were really good friends at a particular stage of life, and all most all my lasting friendships have been with girls… Most of my closest friends are all girls. They relate to what I am going through much better and I do not hesitate talking to them about my deepest fears…. With guys, I discuss tennis, cricket politics or maybe my travel adventures… Not that they are not dear to me just a bit superficial according…So here’s to my closest girl friend’s… I cannot imagine my life without everything that you all bring to it – the shopping, the never ending emails/conversations on life’s ups and downs and even the non-stop gossiping….

Then comes the question that can a girl and a guy be just good friends and nothing more… Well according to most of my friends they cannot. According to them, all good friends of the opposite sexes at one point of time or the other have been attracted to each other, or its been one sided for sure. I always believed and still do that this is definitely not true.. I have debated this for hours with a very good friend of mine who also happens to be a guy. His take – I might not be attracted to someone, but how can I be sure of what’s going on with the other person. Reflecting on my relationship with most of my guy friends, I think he has a point; there has always been an attraction from either side. It’s another matter that for me what starts as a crush, graduates to friendship and then remains strictly that. One of my friends’ once told me that that my definition of friendship was very elastic. That is probably why I was shocked/surprised if a good guy friend of mine ever expressed feelings beyond friendship. For me a friend was a friend, it was immaterial whether he was a guy or a girl…

Is it possible that I have to change my opinion after 27 years of my existence?? Were my friends right about what they said??? Is it possible that the cheesy Hindi movie dialogue “ek ladka aur ek ladki kabhi dost nahi ho sakte” or what they portray in every single Hindi movie on a girl guy friendship actually true??? Can a girl and a guy actually not be just good friends?? ……

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